Ok! I get it, maybe I should have used those words, she was screaming at me to use. I should have told her to suck it up, be happy. I just couldn't picture someone else, having that much impact on one's feelings. That the way I felt, could impact another's mood indefinitely. It just seemed like to much pressure, at the time. It probably would be to much now, with how much I work on myself daily. When she told me to remind her " be happy." I was to focused on finding the reason why I was so unhappy, but appeared happy. Why did all my friends look to me for inspiration? When I felt I couldn't provide the happiness sought out in me, I declined. I couldn't fit the description for being the positive one anymore. Literally having the positivity drained out of me by such negative influences, that I myself appeared to be negative. This was stepping out of my character. I have always found myself happy, unless I was grieving.
This friend wasn't a friend at all. She was someone who always blamed someone else for how she felt. While in the mean time "Jumped Ship" every time I needed to grieve. It wasn't about her, in the end we both needed to work on ourselves. I have found that we feel better without each other. Maybe just proving to ourselves, that we could reach happiness without each other. I'm at peace with this now, and would never ask to reform our friendship, because that's been our downfall for the last 10 years. That's a long time, of off again, on again friendship. I am still grieving this friendship 8 months later. I will not let the affect my decision process. I still wish her the most happiness she can find without me. Still feeling connected to her in one way or another, it may take awhile. I've learned that you can only perform the same abusive patterns, without being about to come back and do it all over again. I refuse to let this cycle run yet again, and it died with my negative attitude.
Over that last year, I've learned that I can NOT simply as it's put, be the source of someone else's happiness. After every essay I've written on sociology and phycology, without ever picking up a book myself, I should have not only realized this was a key factor, but I should have been more vocal about it. Like I said, I've never taken a class on phycology in my life. I give credit to life experience, genetics, and my early childhood development classes that I took in high school. Which all I take very seriously, and I have learned that I am very good with words, and appear well educated. That's because of all the research to this day, I continue activism with. I won't stop. I will continue to learn. until I exhaust myself. Thankfully I have a great support system to help me on the days that reading and researching GMO's make's me sick to my stomach, or I've completely burnt myself out! All in all, If she's reading this I just want to put the credit where it's due, as I deserve the credit, I am due. I would never of thought about reevaluating my life, unless you walked out of it. I was stubborn and I didn't want to admit it. I'm glad you are happier without the old me, as I am too.
We Love The Babies
This page is to bring you along my journey to find positivity and harmony. Its started as a 30 day challenge to learn more about ones self and how to truly take care of yourself. To take care of others, you have to be able to take care of yourself. Instead of a 30 day challenge I'm turning this into a year of positivity and the journey we venture to find what truly matters in this world. It is important as a mother to show children positivity can be found everywhere and anywhere. It starts with right now, and right here!